Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
