Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
