Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
