she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it glows. i had to have it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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