just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
