So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
