lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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