Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
