Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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