Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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