Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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