Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
