I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
