I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
