I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
