If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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