you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
