oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
