I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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