Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
