sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
