omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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