i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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