The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
