You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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