he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
