I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How naked do you want me to be?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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