i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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