Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
