They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
