He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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