I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
