So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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