So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
