Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
