i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
