I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
