Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
