I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
