so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
