Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
