I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
