But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
