Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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