No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
