I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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