when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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