well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
