ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
