You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
