She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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