The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
